I’m back on my fiction book reads! Woot woot!
Recently I read The Arrangement by Sarah Dunn and it was by far one of my favorite fiction books to date. It was captivating from the start. Funny. Entertaining. Engaging and very thought-provoking. Here’s the scoop. Main characters, Lucy and Owen agreed to have an open marriage for 6 months. Meaning they can get it on with whomever they want within that time span— the couple won’t talk about it with each other and swore to follow the set of rules they put together. Sounds totally sane right?
DISCLAIMER: There might be mini spoilers but it won’t take away from the magic of the book (if you end up reading it, which I recommend you do). Also, this is an extended version of the #5MINUTEBOOKREVIEW so bear with me 🙂
When you’re with someone for a long time, it’s easy for the relationship to go sale. Myles and I actually experienced this so that’s why this book seemed so interesting to me from the start. We haven’t put effort or intention into our relationship because, like usual.. life, work, business, money etc got in the way.
Once I started reading this book and really reflected on the possibility of dating other people.. it made me way more clear on what I really wanted. I simply wanted a happy relationship. I wanted the honeymoon phase that I felt when we started dating. And the biggest “aha” moment was the realization that you don’t have to find a new person for that. You can find that person in your long term partner. All it takes is some communication and thoughtful planning. And that’s what I did. I communicated with Myles. I shared about how I wanted more fun, laughter and adventures together. Something we were lacking for a long time.
So just like that, I made peace with the fact that our relationship is enough. The idea that there is a “better” person out there for me is a myth. The grass isn’t greener on the other side and through reading this book, I understood that. This book allowed me to reflect on some important questions like:
A. What is the point?
B. Why would I expend energy on someone else when I know my current partner is the best?
C. What’s the end result I want? Do I really want to leave the life that we’ve already built together?
D. Are the problems we have fixable? Usually the answer was YES.
At the end of the story; there was a part where it talked about how if you have someone who feels like home, someone who makes YOU feel safe, understood and who’s willing to work through the shit with you… then treasure it. We are the lucky ones. People search for a lifetime for this kind of healing and transformative love and sometimes, they never find it. So if you have someone who makes you feel a certain type of way; hold onto it. I’m not saying to settle for toxic relationships, I’m saying don’t fall into the trap of instant gratification. Finding a new gal or guy is as easy as a swipe these days. literally. But don’t let that distract you from the relationship in front of you. Because I bet it’s gold. It might just need some refining. It might just need a sexy night out, a mini-vacation, intentional conversations, couple’s therapy and most importantly… effort.
Pour into your relationship because I bet it’s worth fighting for. Give energy into the relationship you currently have. See how it can flourish with just a little bit of attention. That’s why they say love is hard. The first few years of dating.. honestly that was the easy part. Real love is when you see the flaws and notice the imperfections but still want to put effort into each other. I’ve seen it with my parents. They’re
I’ve had the privilege of growing into my best self with Myles next to me. And while some days, I question if I should see my other “options” out there… those thoughts are quick and fleeting because I know that what I have next to me is my forever. He’s kind, caring, affectionate and makes me feel beautiful, even on my worst days. I hate to admit this (as a self-proclaimed strong independent woman) but he completes a part of me. The part where I lacked self-confidence. The part where I thought I didn’t deserve genuine and unconditional love. If you have that in a partner ladies, highlight that, own it and be proud. Men like that don’t come around often. And if you’re still searching, go for the good guys.
In the book ; Owen and Lucy eventually figured out (after tons of drama) that there love is all they need and that the life they’ve built together is enough. Nothing out there is as beautiful as what they have. It might be good for a few months. But those happy hormones don’t last forever. But what lasts forever is the deep love and care that you have for your partner. So cherish it, nurture it and love it with all your heart, fam.
Hope you enjoyed this extended version of the #5MINUTEBOOKREVIEW!
with love,
Bella
